Recently, at Encouragers, I have seen a trend occurring. I call it the “Evolution Revelation.” Couples are coming in for counseling and the women are complaining that their men have not evolved out of the dark ages. The men often sit with a blank stare on their faces as their brides rip them to shreds complaining that they don’t help around the house enough, they don’t do any of the cooking, cleaning, or take care of the children enough. The women complain they are “exhausted, overworked, over stressed, and under appreciated.”
The way I see it (and this is only my observation), women of been “evolving” for decades. Laws have changed for women to receive equal rights, better paying jobs, were encouraged (socially) to work outside of the household where they could receive accolades from people they don’t care about for money that doesn’t elevate the stress of a full-time job, and full-time family. Thanks to the Women’s Liberation movement, woman can vote, they’re protected against discrimination, they are no longer seen as second class citizens, and have headship of the household, in many cases are the primary breadwinner, as well as are the emotional, spiritual and economical leaders of their home. Is there any wonder WHY they are “exhausted, overworked, over stressed, and under appreciated?”
All the while when women were GAINING responsibility, what have men been doing? How have they “evolved?” Most men who are over 50 didn’t evolve. Their mothers and fathers raised them to be the provider of their home, to make sure their families were safe and they had a roof over their heads. Men enjoyed the roles established in the 1930’s and see no reason why they should change in order to accommodate the advancement’s made “for” women. Many good intending husbands and boyfriends try to accommodate the needs of their wives and girlfriends for individuation, but just don’t understand why THEY have to change. And this is where the conflict begins.
Many women who wanted to get out of the kitchen, the laundry room, and the nursery, went looking for fulfillment in the workforce, but instead were met with challenges, which forced them to choose between family and work. Super-mom just couldn’t do it all, and the stress, unrealistic expectations, and additional requests of their husband’s to relieve their stress has caused marital distress and families are suffering for all the “gains” women have accomplished.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for women having careers, after all I was a working single parent. But I also know first hand the damage caused to my daughter for having to ask friends and strangers (babysitters) to care for her while I worked. As a single parent I didn’t have many options. But there are many women who have options and who have no balance in their life because of the choices they make. Consider how your evolution has contributed to the conflict in your home.
I have also noticed a trend back to “traditional” homes; where men work full-time and women are full time mothers and homemakers. Some young (20 something) women I’ve met find satisfaction within their home and experience less stress–and their children and marriages are better for it.
Are women “evolving” again in a direction where families are being united and prioritized again? Has this next generation found that the social experiments of the past several decades has left a wake of broken families is something they choose not to repeat with their own families? Doctor Laura Schlessinger once said, “We have two chances at a family; the one we were born into and the one we create.” Whatever the new trend is, I am encouraged that women do not feel they HAVE to choose between work and family, and can choose a more simplified lifestyle, with less stress, more love, and more balance.