He crouches, laying low like a lion. Who would awaken him? Those who bless you are blessed, and those who curse you are cursed."
There are people in this world who are going to hurt others simply out of ignorance and self-centeredness. They believe they are being "truthful" and "transparent" and are actually being "helpful" when they cause other's harm. They say things like, "It's for your own good," or "This is the only way I can get through to you," or "I just couldn't stand by and watch you live like that anymore." The problem is that their "solution" causes more harm than anything they perceive needs correcting.
Many women, men, and children come to therapy because of the "solutions," which were inflicted upon them when they were young children, but also from current or recent unhealthy relationships.
One woman came in because her husband had been telling her for years that she was "Borderline" and directed her life to fit his needs. He gave her a book which listed the symptoms and when she saw some of her behaviors reflected on the pages she wanted a "second opinion" to see if she really was Borderline. Through the help of therapy she realized that this was the veil he was hiding behind that enabled him to have affairs. Ultimately, when she became healthy enough, she awoke to the reality of her situation and took back her life. Today she is strong and courageous and walks with her head held high.
When people we care about bring us their concerns about our choices and offer advice, the Bible identifies those who will listen and consider what has been brought to them as "wise:"
"The lifestyle of the fool is right in his own opinion,
but wise is the man who listens to advice."
But what about the first part of the scripture...what do we do with the advise of a "fool" who believes their opinion is "right" and wants to force us into doing what will make THEM comfortable or remove their discomfort at our expense? What if the allegations are untrue and the advise harmful in its offering, what if the slap across the face (solution) does more harm than good in redirecting the teen's behavior, or the wife's argument, or the mother's actions? What if that advise which was "offered" in transparent sincerity by the offender is more offensive than the identified problem? Scripture speaks to this as well saying that if they are sincere in their efforts, they can also be sincerely wrong, and their "counsel" shall fall on deft ears.
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
1 Corinthians 13
The counsel of the Bible is at our disposal to use or abuse as a standard by which to live by. They are not "rules" they are living examples of people who violated God's counsel, warning us that whatever direction you choose, those choices will have consequences: good or bad. Be careful what advise you offer to others because the problem you have may be your own and not the responsibility of the other to fix. And if someone offers you a hurtful solution to resolve their problem, don't be a sleeping lion, but awaken, and be courageous and strong, standing firm on the truth which is from God.