26 I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest; only trouble comes.”
Job 3:26 (NLT)
If I were to ask you if you've ever been hurt, where the hurt made you doubt yourself and all around you, most would say, "Yes." They would admit at one time or another, the feeling of hurt was rooted in distrust, abandonment, or shame that has been forced upon them. Hard decisions hurt. Like a pebble dropped in water, hard decisions have a ripple effect and can impact many which is why the decisions are not as easy as one would hope. As a result of those decisions unintended effects can result in people on the periphery feeling hurt, disconnected, and they may lash out in anger against the decision maker. You see this with children of abuse who attack the protecting parent for disconnecting from the abusing parent. The disconnect from one parent also means loss of grandparents, cousins, and even siblings and step-siblings. I heard years ago that there can be two choices and neither one is good; this is the hard decision. When you know consequences are going to hurt people and by not making a decision (because of fear), by default you make a decision to hurt them.
So what's the good news? Our experiences can define us or refine us. They can give us opportunity for growth or collapse us. We can rise or we can run. But the good news is, one way or another, we have the ability to chose. I remember years ago, following a difficult decision to leave a practice due to misalignment of purpose, I was told by my employer that I should look at the hard decision to leave as an opportunity for growth. He was right because in that moment I chose to not only go through but to grow through the challenge.
Sometime ago I heard this quote, and can't remember what audio book, radio commentator, client, or friend shared this, but it struck me to the core,
"Every mark on our body every scar or burn even birth marks
are a sign that we have lived through something and come out on the other side.
Those marks on your body are a sign that you are a warrior.
By being honest about who you are
you give permission to the other women around you to do the same."
Hard decisions are hard because we care about how those decisions are going to effect other people around us. We may lament making the decision for days, weeks, months, and even years trying to find a better solution and coming up empty, we may never make the decision. I recently heard someone say, "The harder the decision the more obvious it's the right decision." Often, people with authority, leaders, parents, decision makers of all types, are forced to make a hard decision to forfeit one relationship in exchange for saving"the greater good." Couples end relationships every day "for the sake of the children," employers are forced to chose the company over the needs of one, and daily sacrifices on the front lines, in war zones, and by first responders are made through hard decisions.
Charles Feldman defines Trust and Distrust this way,
"Trust is choosing to make something important to you
vulnerable to the actions of someone else."
"What I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you."
Trust does not come easy and it shouldn't be something we take for granted. It needs to be selective in its offering, measured by trust worthiness, and measured out proportional to the level of trust earned. The bible says we should first trust God, and then trust people according to their "works" because by your actions you will be known to be either trust worthy or someone to distrust.