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Most Excellent Way


One thing that I've never understood is how people would rather bowl, tennis, fish, golf, ski, or play whatever sport, on a video game instead of going to the place where the sport takes place and experience it for real. I don't understand paying for a bicycle that sits in your living room and watching a TV monitor of places to go as being more exciting than actually getting on a bike and riding through the real countryside, up a mountain hill, or down a row of vineyards. Most people I know are working toward retirement where they hope to visit exotic destinations and the top of their bucket list is "travel." What do people put as their retirement dreams who already have "seen" those destinations through the computer? A better computer?

I often hear from couples who are coming to therapy that they have not been on a "date" in many many years. They do the same old thing, sitting around watching TV, bored to death and wonder why there is no spark of excitement, no romance, and no communication in their lives (there's nothing new to talk about). Then they blame each other like it's their partner's responsibility to make them happy. They wonder why they are gaining weight and their muscles are flabby when they "play tennis" nearly every day. Oh, please! You do it from your LAZY boy chair (notice, even the name of the chair condemns you).

Excellence doesn't just happen. All relationships that have a desire to be excellent take work. You must get off the couch and get out of the house. You must actually look into the eyes of the person you're with and you can't do that when you're texting. You must hold their hand--instead of your laptop. You must listen to them--instead of you Audio book. You must care for them--more than you care for your car, your motorcycle, or your Xbox.

The number one reason for not doing anything...money. But there's ALWAYS enough money to buy another gadget, phone, or tablet. Okay, so let's just say there's no money for a $100 dinner and a movie; yes that type of dating is expensive because people with no imagination do that by default.

So to help you out, here's a few suggestions that cost very little money:

  1. Take a walk together. If you look at dating sites the #1 thing people like to do is "walk on the beach." If you've ever said you enjoy doing that, GO DO IT. If you live to far from the beach, take an evening stroll through your neighborhood. No technology allowed. Leave it all at home and focus on each other. Talk about your dreams for the future, how you want to be remembered when you are gone. Ask, "What is the one thing you want to do before you die?" Then plan to do it.

  2. Take a drive together. I remember "going for a ride" was one of the most enjoyable things to do with another person. Take a drive to the beach, the mountains, to an art or movie festival. The Automobile Club of Southern California has a magazine and in it are suggestions of places to go within a short distance of where you live. You can look up suggestions at https://www.calif.aaa.com.

  3. Go Dancing, or painting, or play a sport outdoors together. Physical activity with someone you care about creates natural sparks through the enjoyment of "play." Anything you can do to increase the laughter and good memories will benefit your relationship greatly. It will also do wonders for those flabby muscles that you're complaining about. When you FEEL better, you naturally are a better person.

  4. Play a board game or card game with another couple. When you share time with other couples it gives you an opportunity to share your experiences and gain new things to talk about. Have you heard the saying, "The more, the merrier?" It's true. Letting other people share their lives with you invites opportunity for new information, now experiences into your relationship. It's just more fun.

Remember: If you want an excellent relationship both of you are responsible for what you contribute to making it excellent. Refocus your attention with the goal of creating the best relationship possible. Stop blaming each other and just do it.

"Now eagerly desire the greater gifts. [ Love Is Indispensable ]

And yet I will show you the most excellent way."

1 Corinthians 12:31 (NIV)

Day 52: Refocus

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