Why do women and men fall into domestic violence and stay with the abuser even while they are being beaten, broken, and often to the point of death? Why do they protect the one who is causing so much pain when police are called to save them? It's a simple 3-step process of cultural change called the Hegelian Dialectic:
Problem, Reaction, Solution.
Every relationship has a culture affiliated with it that defines the boundaries and guidelines for the relationship. The way abusers change the relationship culture is through gradually creating a problem, manipulating a response, then creating a solution.
First, they begin to create doubt about other people's intentions and falsely accuse the innocent of malicious intent. They will say parents, friends, or children are after your money, time, or property.
Second, your reaction to this new perspective is crafted to get you to think differently that what you previously believed. This manifests in fear and creates internal conflict, confusion, and emotional destabilization.
The third step is for the abuser to rescue their victim from their destabilization by offering solutions. They encourage dependence, isolation, distancing, and limited access to those who could challenge the new ideals (lies). They don't want the victim to see the truth, so they must keep them from it. Abusers then constantly remind them of the "new truth" and create even more barriers to force them to depend more and more on the abuser. They will cause problems in the victim's workplace so their boss fires them, they will cause problems for neighbors who now avoid the victim. They limit the victim's ability to leave by removing any ability to stand on their own. Then they emotionally destroy the victim's self-confidence. And when the victim is hopeless and helpless, they have accomplished their desired goal of total control.
If you are living in fear created by the manipulations of another, please call Encouragers Counseling & Training Centers. We help you see the truth, change away from the abuse, and learn to live the life you were meant to live.
31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31-32 (NIV)
Day 87: Free