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Machiavellian Manipulators


I hate bullies. I see clients who come in for therapy so beaten down, discouraged, and hopeless because someone they love is causing them harm. I see this happening through physical violence, rape, slander, and even theft of livelihood. It always starts with first getting someone to agree on a point...even a little...then BOOM, you wake up with a black eye and someone telling you it's your fault because you made them punch you. That is a lie and it's just wrong!

I learned long ago to never compromise on what is true. If you give someone any compromise that the truth might be a lie, the other will turn it around and tell you that the lie is REALLY the truth and you are crazy for not believing it." I explain to my clients that a lie should never be accepted as truth, "If I said you had green skin, would you believe it?" If they say, "I'd wonder why you say that," then I have a long road ahead of me. Their ability to recognize a lie has been compromised. If they say, "No. I don't have green skin," I know their pathway to healing will be shortened because they have not lost their ability to identify a lie. When there is "some truth" in a lie it does not make it all true. A partial lie is still an inaccurate statement (or a lie). The truth is 100% truth, there is no portion of a lie in the truth.

What does the word "Machiavellian" mean? According to vocabulary.com, it's someone who is being "sneaky, cunning, and lacking a moral code." Italian philosopher Niccolò Machiavelli wrote the political treatise The Prince in the 1500s, that encourages “the end justifies the means” behavior. When someone uses lies and manipulation to get their way, even if they must murder the other person, and they believe they are above the law, when no one stands up for the truth, points out the injustice, and does not speak the truth, they allow the bully to continue to lie, steal, and murder. The bully has been allowed to run rapid and we have compromised the truth in our homes, in our schools, and in our politics for way too long.

When someone offers an explanation for their bad behavior that excuses it and blames another-look for evidence of the truth. Police officers and automobile insurance companies determine who is at "fault" in an accident by comparing the actions of one against another: If a driver is texting and driving and a car pulls out in front of him causing the crash who is at fault? They both have some culpability (breaking the law), but the accident wasn't caused by the texting. The same in domestic violence or violence on the streets. More violence is NEVER the solution for violence. It only justifies the bullies' actions and transfers blame to the innocent.

Instead, if we follow the guidance in the bible that says we are to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15), we can come to the table of understanding and together solve problems affecting both parties. When the truth can be revealed, when both take responsibility for their actions, marriages succeed and the truth prevails.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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