Do you ever feel like you just don't have what it takes to be successful? Do you feel like a failure and so you don't try?
When you don't try you are accepting a lie as truth and do what supports the lie instead of challenging the lie and living in truth.
Know what I mean? Well let me explain more...
If I never try, I never succeed. If I never succeed, I can conclude I am a failure because the evidence shows that I can't succeed. This is the lie. You have no evidence of success because you never tried in the first place. This is called "a self-fulfilling prophecy."I won't (try), I don't (try), I can't (succeed).
Several of my clients come into session with this attitude of, "I tired, it didn't work." They speak as if trying is something outside of their control and the results are also outside of their control. But the truth is everything (trying or not trying, succeeding or not succeeding) is within their control. When they choose to not try they fail by choice. Reversing this learned helplessness starts by changing your mind. You must see choice as a decision you make and not one that is made for you by some existential power beyond you. The universe is not working against you. God does not want to see you fail. In fact everything in nature is trying to help you succeed, but you don't look and so you don't see.
When you can see your life is a series of choices you make, either proactively or reactively, you can then see the evidence (consequence) of your choices. Everyday living is made up of choices: "Should I get out of bed or stay in bed? Should I eat or just skip breakfast? Should I wear this or that? Should I stop for gas or get it later? Should I pack a lunch or go out? Every moment of every day is filled with small choices that can lead to major choices: "Should I get a divorce or work on my marriage? Should I drink and drive or call an UBER? Should I quit this job and find another?" Even these seemingly large questions can be resolved by looking at the smaller choices you must make. This is why some major choices can seem overwhelming. It's all the small choices one must make to solve the big choice that often keeps us paralyzed.
So, I show people who are stuck in paralysis how to start making small choices again. Set a schedule for when you will wake, what you will wear, what you will eat, what fun you will have, time to rest, and what one thing you'd like to accomplish this day. At the end of the day journal how successful you feel knowing you did MOST or even ONE thing on your list. Go to sleep knowing you were successful. Then do it again the next day. Do this routine for a week and each night journal again how successful you are. Success is not in the completion of the task, but the mere fact you created a list of things to do. THAT is step one. Stop looking for success in the wrong place, it is in your heart. Even the thought of creating a schedule or making a list is success because you are thinking about it. You weren't thinking about it before it was suggested so you have already succeeded. One client shared with me her reflection after one week of change and adding "fun" to her schedule:
"I know I have abilities and God has given me gifts I need to use. I don't want to sit on the gifts the Lord has given me. I need to know which gifts he wants me to pursue first. All I want is to glorify him and use what he has given me to serve him. The 2020 pandemic - that was so stressful and it was so relieving to do something simple and fun, silly and light hearted. I know I'm on the path to recovery. It gives me hope."
"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope
to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people."
Romans 15:13