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Date Break

Women are falling more and more into addictive behaviors. They use alcohol, drugs, and sex as a means to cope with abusive upbringings, abandonment, or simply put - they are struggling through life. Too often parents have stopped parenting their children, never give advice, and avoid difficult topics. Children need structure, interaction, and relationship skills and all these things begin in the home. When it's time for young adults to start dating they have no idea what it should look like, what is expected of them, and if they have a right to expect anything in return. They know there is a cliff, but they think they are supposed to blindly jump off it because no one is telling them there's danger ahead.

Have you ever thought, "Why do I constantly attract unhealthy people?" I have heard women who say they are attracted to bad boys, addicts, and abusive men and they don't know how to stop the madness. Those women want to change these unhealthy patterns but they can't see the red flags until they've been hit in the face (literally), not once, but repeatedly. Someone recently told me, "Other people see a red flags in a relationship and will run away. I see red flags and think it's a parade!"

If you don't know who you are, where you're going, or what you want, you'll miss the mark every time. When you look for people who are just like you and you are not healthy, then you will only attract unhealthy people. If you want to attract a healthy partner you must be able to recognize what that would look like. I tell my clients who have recently gone through a break-up to not date for a year. Find out who you are, what you want, and what you call "non-negotiationables." These are the things that you absolutely will not tolerate: addition, abuse, affairs, etc. If what you want is a committed relationship, wedding bells, and a family, then make those things known while dating. If the other person doesn't want those things and is only looking for "a good time" wouldn't you want to know that up front? Recognize the lies you will, YES YOU WILL BE LIED TO, by looking for evidence of the truth. If someone is interested in a long term relationship then they should show you this by taking time to build that relationship. If they run into the relationship fast and furious, they will run out of the relationship just as fast. Break those bad dating habits before the carnage of failed relationships piles up in your memories and you have nothing left to give. Be purposeful in your dating choices, looking beyond fashion, function, and fun, and seek to know the deeper part of a person to discover their wants, hopes, and desires. Then when you have found someone who you share commonality with you'll have a better chance of finding the love you seek and the future you want.


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