Have you ever been deceived by another and wondered why you didn't see it coming? We have an automatic defense mechanism that is built in that helps us find what we are looking for. Have you ever purchased a car in a particular color thinking it was going to unique because you've "never" seen this car in that color before? Then you drove off the lot and suddenly EVERYONE is driving a car just like yours. Our mind will seek out things we expect to see and behaviors we expect to happen and will reframe them match our beliefs. We make others our enemy, not because of who they are, but because of who we are. This creates a barrier to learning the truth and impossible to find a solution, because the problem is all in your mind.
This is called a "blind spot" and it is a result of a personal bias we have where we hold others to a standard that is of our own making. It also is a higher standard than we hold ourselves. This standard allows the one who set the standard to be both judge and jury to feel MORE superior to those they judge. It requires no real measurement to justify the punishment for crimes committed against one's psyche.
The final sentence is: "I feel hurt, therefore you must die."
Conversely, we also can have blind spots where we compare our performance with others and see our weaknesses. We can feel guilt and shame for the things we lack, our inabilities, and emphasis our failures. We see them as perfect, capable, and emphasis their gifts and talents. In both situations, our vision is skewed to the positive or the negative way we view ourselves and others. In reality, there are always going to be things about ourselves and others that we do not see, can't see, or choose not to see. This standard allows the one who set the standard to be both judge and jury to feel LESS superior to those they judge.
The final sentence is: "You hurt; therefore, I must die."
Doctor Tony Evans, pastor of The Urban Alternative says, "If all you see, is what you see, then you are not seeing all you can see. Until you see what you can't see, you will not be able to see all that there is to see. Behind everything that you can't see, is something for you to look at that you can't see. For beyond what you see is what you can't see, but what you should be seeing."
To get to know someone takes time, commitment, and an open mind. Most people would rather judge based on their bias without getting to know the person. Yet, everyone is screaming to be known, to be seen, and to be heard. Yelling, holding signs, and picketing to ruin someone's life because your feelings were hurt does nothing to resolve your insecurities. You'll only need to picket somewhere else next week and the week after. If what you are looking for is validation, speak to the one who hurt you, don't yell at them. Help them understanding you, don't beat them up because they don't. When you give compassion, you'll receive it. When you listen first others are willing to listen to you. When you speak without hate you'll most likely receive words that are kinder and less hurtful. When you are the one doing the yelling and making demands, you are ignoring your own blind spots and blaming others. When you can see, hear, and believe what others say, you are open to real understanding.
16 "But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
17 For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see
but did not see it,
and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."
Matthew 13:16-17