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Trained Observers

Can we all be honest? Relationships are hard. We all want to be in a wonderful relationship with our spouse, our partner, our children, and our friends. But DANG, it's hard. They can be needy, demanding, unreasonable, and unwavering. They can have expectations and desires that put you in uncomfortable situations, and they can make personal choices that result in consequences you never wanted. You can feel anger, sadness, and frustration in your relationships, and sometimes you can even feel guilty for things that you didn't do.

Relationships are all around us and how we behave in any relationship at anytime is up to us. Yes, relationships can be difficult, but the best place to fix an unhealthy relationship is IN the relationship. Everyone is jumping out of relationships, divorcing, or leaving one relationship for another, but they are not taking the time to learn what was broke in the first, second, third, or fifteenth failed relationship. Maybe the problem isn't them...maybe it's YOU!

Every relationship has patterns of behavior. If you don't have boundaries in one relationship, you'll not have them in another. If you are abusive in one relationship, you'll be abusive in another. If you run away from one relationship, you'll run away from future relationships. And the list of bad behaviors goes on. Unless you learn about boundaries, fight versus flight, and abuse patterns you'll not know how to protect yourself and others from you.

A good relationship counselor is a trained observer of the patterns that you repeat. They can step outside of your situation, hear the many examples you give of the discord, fights, and multiple break-ups, and can offer you skills you lack, encouragement to press on when it feels hopeless, and tools to improve yourself so that even if the relationship ends, you'll be better because of it and not just bitter.


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