Thank God, the Stay at Home Order is Lifted! A miraculous healing is coming to the southland as businesses and restaurants are reopening. Even the wineries are open and outdoor dining means we can gather with friends and family to enjoy socializing once again. We can say goodbye to the delivery driver who has brought burgers and pizza for the last year, and say hello to fine dining. Singles are busting down their doors ready to meet away from Zoom. Lovers who have been cooped-up for too long are rushing into the arms of another. Singles have been wondering the desert wastelands alone and are thirsty for the enticements that only romance can provide.
But is everything as it seems?
I am always skeptical of too many blessings coming too suddenly and question the motivation of too much too fast. With relationships this happens too often and is easily seen in the early stages of dating. There is a saying, "If it seems too good to be true, is usually is." I have often found that a person's motivation is found in the urgency of their requests and demands for their expedited requests can lead to missteps, errors, and more often than not, abuse of power. Then blame and shame quickly follow because the one doing the pushing didn't get their desired outcome. The dating scene is resuming with a furry and flurry of emotions and people will soon find they were too rash and hasty in their efforts to find "the one."
Heres an example:
A guy meets a girl he's attracted to. He has one agenda (sex) and so begins to take her on a journey of wine, roses, and laughter. He is patient for a short time, but the moment she doesn't respond to his romantic gestures by giving him sex he slams the door on the relationship to pursue his next prey. Women who are not prepared for this will fall into the temptations they think are offered as genuine only to be left broken-hearted and feeling deceived. Men are also are led astray by women who have one goal: money. These women will be cute, alluring, and enticing and when the money dries up they also move on to their next candidate always looking for the next sucker who will wine, dine, and treat them fine. I wish the two greedy ones would just advertise they are greedy and would get together and leave the healthy people alone. Unfortunately, Narcissistic people don't see themselves as greedy, needy, or deceitful.
When the two broken hearted individuals meet each other there is hope for a genuine relationship, but they usually are so cautious of being hurt again they may self-sabotage a truly good relationship. When two healthy people meet and can learn to trust each other over time, oh happy day!
Finding a good match is not easy and takes time.
Be cautious, take your time, and look for evidence to support what you are hearing. If they say they like something, do they do it with or without you? If they sit on the couch but tell you they want to be active, you may be with a person who desires one thing but does another. They also may be someone needing you to TAKE them where they want to go. Unless you have the energy, the drive, and the desire to drag someone out with you, you may find yourself tired of the effort the relationship is requiring of you.
Find someone you have a lot in common with. If you enjoy being physical, find someone already physically fit. If you enjoy a good movie on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, then find that person. If you have young children, don't date someone who never had children and then try to make them a parent of your kids. This usually ends in disaster and the kids feel like they are pawns in your relationship games. My advice to parents, date for a minimum of 9 months BEFORE you introduce the kids. If you can't wait that long, you have a problem that needs to be addressed outside of the relationship.
Date, but date with intention. Look before you leap. Hold back the emotional connections that develop with intimacy until you are sure the person you are sleeping with has your best interest at heart. Look for deception, but also find joy in the moment. Be the yin to your own yang and not try to find it in another. Be your best of course, but realize he's/she's doing the same thing. With time, we all mess up, we all make mistakes, and we all reveal the bad and sometimes ugly parts of our being. Wait for it...wait for it...BOOM there it is. Now, what are you going to do with it now that you see it? Plan for the worst and be ready to set boundaries, but don't be so focused looking for the negative that you miss all the positives. Boundaries are like property line fences. They are consistently there, unmoving, and they don't break-down so easy. When you find an offense call the other person out on it the first time. Give them a warning, set a boundary, and then if you like them, forgive them. But, if you see a pattern of them busting down your fence, it's time to get out. RUN don't walk. When you find the rare person who respects your boundaries and is willing to set boundaries with you, you'll be saying to yourself, OH HAPPY DAY!