Recently, I've been helping single women figure out what they want in a dating relationship. Many look at the gentleman in the photo and say, "He reminds me of my ex." No doubt there are men who say they felt that way married to their ex-wives and blame them for their wild eyed screams built up from years of frustration.
What is it about us that makes us walk away from an insanely dysfunctional relationship and jump right back into another one? We don't take the time to consider WHY we want to be in a relationship...we just do. We are made for connection.
One client said she has been trying to date men with a focused intent to find "the one." She gave me a list of attributes (kind, considerate, giving, physically fit, wealthy, drives a nice car, has a job, lives on his own) and said she can't get back the second date because if she's not willing to have sex with them, they are moving on to the next woman in line. Her conclusion was she would rather be home with her dog. I thought that was a great idea and asked her to give me the qualities she finds attractive in her dog;
I want a guy like my dog.
I want a guy who has good qualities,
Someone who is excited to see me,
Who will snuggle and kiss me.
Someone who is loyal, committed, and true.
Not the hump every leg in town kind of dog.
I want a guy like my dog.
How to know if you are trying to make a superficial relationship more serious:
The dating qualities you look for in a man can be summed up in a song by The Beach Boys, "FUN, FUN, FUN."
You spend so much time in the coal pile looking for a diamond. Go where the diamonds are.
You're trying to force men into a role that they don't even know they are being cast for.
If you want a meaningful relationship you have to change your approach.
Be coy, and not like the fish. Men like the chase. Don't let him catch you too quickly.
If you want the leading man in the story of your life, stop giving the understudy the role of leading man.
You want to make your first impression the first impression you want to make.
Stand out versus being someone who conforms.
Don't make your life more difficult trying to be someone you are not.
Have a willingness to be vulnerable, but don't throw caution to the wind by being reckless.
Look before you leap, you may be jumping into a pool with no water.
If you are interested in dating someone who will eventually want a committed relationship, you must be willing to wait and see if THEY want the same thing. Words have no value if there are not actions to follow up. Long term commitments are not made rapidly. The world is filled with deceivers, liars, and cheats. You have to cut through all this to find someone who is sincere, honest, and has the ability to commit. It takes patience.
"Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom."
Proverbs 9:10