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P1 vs P2

Anyone who has been in an automobile accident with the police involved know about P1 vs P2. P1 is Party 1 and P2 is Party 2.

P1 carries the majority of the responsibility of the accident occurring and will get the bigger ding on their insurance, and possibly could end up in jail if the offense is criminal (drunk driving, TEXTing while driving, etc.). No one wants to be involved in an accident and certainly not one where you are found "at fault."

In relationships the argument over who is at fault also becomes the focus of discussion. Often, both have "a good case" that they are not P1, but the other person is. Let me give you an example of how Sexual Betrayal can be perceived by both parties and who is at fault.

Imagine a married man and father is driving an 18-wheeler truck and trailer down the freeway and he has not made any violations of the law. The freeway he's on is the Internet and the speed he drives pornography into his mind is the speed limit. He has been driving this freeway for years and has become comfortable with the scenery and frequency he is on this freeway. Over the years he has gotten complacent with the vehicle maintenance and is unaware that the truck has no breaks. As long as no one pulls out in front of him, he's fine.

One day his wife and children are in the family minivan on their way to school. She pulls up to the onramp and "accidentally" comes across the Internet where she learns of her husband's sexual addiction for the first time. In essence, she pulls the minivan onto the freeway just as her husband careens into the side of the minivan. The family car is demolished, his wife is sent to the hospital, and the children are collateral damage laying on the side of the road.

So who is at fault? Who is P1?

The husband's perspective is that everything was fine until his wife pulled out in front of him.

The wife's perspective is, "Why is he driving on this road in the first place?"

The husband cannot understand what the "big deal is" even while his family lay battered, broken, and bleeding from the lack of his care. He impatiently returns to the freeway, and his wife (who now is looking for the signs) pulls her car out in front of him, time, and time again. She does this in the hopes that her husband will see what damage he is causing and will want to make changes to protect the family. Unfortunately, when the man does not want to change, the family minivan continues to get destroyed and the pain and suffering continues for his wife and the children. The husband, who is unharmed, is very annoyed with his wife and doesn't understand WHY she keeps pulling out in front of him, and WHY can't he return to his free ride down the highway, "I'm not hurting anyone." He blames his wife's own actions (looking for trouble) for the reason she's still hurting, "Why can't you just get over it?"

Ultimately, the wife drives the broken minivan to the divorce lawyer rather than continue to get bashed. Alone, the husband jumps into his truck and trailer and gets back on the freeway oblivious of the pain and destruction he has caused to his family.

There are no winners in this scenario. Everyone looses, even the husband who ignorantly puts himself at the wheel of destruction. Change can happen, but it requires leaving the freeway and returning to his family. If you would like to change your driving habits, please reach out for help. Below are several resources in addition to calling Encouragers Counseling & Training:

Everyman's Battle (Book)

New Life Ministry -

Sex Addicts Anonymous - Support Group

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