There has always been confusion around dating. Even the original couple, Adam and Eve, did not date wisely. When a third party enticed Eve to explore the benefits of a forbidden fruit, she took the bate and ate. Then she enticed Adam to eat, and everything unraveled. The results that followed that unwise choice led to them to losing everything and becoming homeless.The consequences impacted their children and many generations later, we still pay for that poor decision.
On one hand, I am amazed that the process of dating has culminated in letting a dating app ask a stranger some really poor questions that give you no information. Then other dating sites charge enormous fees so you can meet a person who is "rich," or "professional." In reality, they have men and women they call to go out with the unwise dater a couple times. The company pays them a portion for the few dates they go on and they profit greatly. On the other hand, the one looking for a meaningful relationship has no partner and has lost their money. I remember reading about an author who provided dating advice on how to lie your way into a rich man's life. She gave hair, clothing, and make-up advice (and sold it on the side). She talked about how stupid men are and that they only want sex. Her advice was for the woman to prostitute herself for all she can get financially and materially.
Then there are the lonely, bored, and aging population who are in their 30's, 40's, and 50's who have done dating "scene" and now what to find someone to settle down with. They have no idea what they are looking for, but they know what they don't want. They don't want the broken marriage of their parents and grandparents. They want a TV marriage that is not based in reality. They want beauty over brains, love on demand, and money. In other words, they want all the good things they've experienced in dating, but not really. They know they want something, but they are not sure what that is. These people are coming to therapy to get help figuring it out. So, I ask them a couple questions: Who are you looking for in a spouse, and who would you have to be to attract that person? The crickets and blank stares tell it all. They have no clue, "No one has ever asked me that."
So, if you want to find love, first ask yourself, "Why"? If you are looking for perfection, you must become perfection. If you are looking for beauty, you must be beautiful. If you are looking for a partner who will commit, you must be willing to commit first. If you are looking for rich and professional, you must be someone those people are looking for. There is a science to dating wise and the mixture of ingredients are blended specifically to help you find what you are looking for. If you don't know what you are looking for, how will you ever find it? You won't.