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Toxic Masculinity


Recently there has been an attack on everything that defines a person's relational identity. Rules and Roles have been jumbled, bumbled, and crumbled to the point where nothing is safe and every expectation is unrealistic, unspoken, and unachievable.


Men and women are getting beat up for having traditional values established with a history of relationship roles and rules of engagement. A man who works to earn a living to support the family, and the woman who stays at home to care for the children is seen as sexism and abuse, even if the woman enjoys this arrangement. A man who wants to provide for his family and be a strong influencer and protector of his home is somehow considered "toxic" and somehow this negatively affects society.


I believe every relationship requires agreed upon rules and roles. Even down to who takes out the trash, cooks the meals, cleans the clothes, and does the yard work. When you don't establish house rules and roles all relationships in the home may suffer. Children will not have clear guidelines for what is expected of them anymore than the parents know what is expected. People will complain when they expect others to do what they themselves don't want to do. Arguments flair, defensiveness develops, and resentment builds.


Just do it

When we take personal responsibility for what is our agreed upon rules and roles there can be harmony in the home. If a man enjoys reading bedtime stories to his children, he should do it. If a woman enjoys teaching the children how to cook, she should do it. If the woman enjoys doing yard work more than housework, she should do it. If the trash isn't taken out, the one who it is bothered most should do it. If you enjoy being a stay-at-home parent (no matter your gender), you should do it. As long as your choices do not have a negative impact on your family and your partner is in agreement of your choices, you should do it.


When your partner wants you to do things to make them happy and you willingly adjust to satisfy their need, this is called compromise. When you change because someone is being abusive toward you, calling you names, and expressing displeasure in a controlling way, this is called manipulation. Knowing the difference will determine the degree of agreeableness in the home. Harmony is achieved when everyone knows what is expected of them and they are agreeable to the rules and roles. It must start with the parents first.



"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."

WINSTON S. CHURCHILL

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