Recently, I heard someone speaking about their husband's character, "He's not tactful, but he is truthful." Even though she said the delivery of the truth can sometimes be painful to hear, she appreciates that he is always honest with her. The world we live in makes one appreciate honesty and grieve the lack of it. Everywhere, dishonesty rules the day and the resulting confusion leaves us feeling lost and alone.
Lies destroy us in the workspace, the neighborhood, and in the home. Fear of the unknown has created a generation who fear walking out their front door. We have become prisoners of our own making and living has been replaced by merely surviving. But what are we truly afraid of: Pain? Suffering? Death? When we are afraid of pain, we will avoid risk. When we are afraid of suffering, we become physically and mentally weak. When we are afraid of death, we become unable to live. All this can be reversed, but it takes a strong mind, body, and spirit. We must challenge the lies that we have heard and replace them with the truth. We must look for people we can trust, and avoid those who are not trustworthy. Remember, a partial truth is still a lie, and when you accept the partial truth, you also accept the lie.
Here are a couple things to be aware of that will let you know if the person is being dishonest with you. I call it the Flip, Flop, Flam:
Flip-When you catch them in a lie, do they redirect the attention to your misdeeds, flaws, or your lies?
Flop-Do they excuse their lies and accuse you of being unloving, uncaring, or insensitive?
Flam-Do they convince you to trust them even when they are caught over and over again telling lies?
When people constantly do the flip, flop, flam approach to answering your questions and doubts they are avoiding the truth and are not worthy of your trust. When they refuse to see their lies they also refuse to take responsibility for them. People won't change if they refuse to acknowledge a need to change. If their focus is always on your needing to trust them even when they are clearly untrustworthy, they will never change. You on the other hand see the lies and that leaves you with two options: stay the same or change yourself. Start living your truth even when they won't. Speak the truth even if they refuse to hear it. Set expectations, and if they are not met, you need to be ready to walk out the door. Or do nothing and make the choice to live a lie that you know is clearly not true. This option will result in you living in pain and suffering until you die. But heck, it's the devil you know and it's easier than the unknown. Or is it? When you know the truth and willingly live the lie, you will beat down yourself, your self-esteem with suffer, and the pain you feel will be self-inflicted.
Take baby-steps that lead to clear thinking and understanding. When you know the truth and acknowledge the truth, you won't need the other to agree with it. You just know it's true and you have the evidence to support it. Just acknowledging the truth begins to change everything. You will begin to see other areas where lies prevail. You are now more aware of the truth, and that leads to more truth, and more understanding, and then more truth is revealed. One day, when you can see all the areas where you have been living with lies, you'll want to live the truth. On that day, you'll discover that you have the courage to walk out the door.
Don't love anyone who is not worthy of your love.
Don't give your finances to anyone who you expect won't repay the loan; unless you give it freely and without expectation.
Don't share your emotional hurts and pains with someone who will use that information against you.
Don't trust anyone who is not trustworthy.
Trust is a precious gift that should be shared with very few. Those few will have proven to be trustworthy over time with consistent words and actions that match. If they say they will, they do. If they say "yes", they mean it. If they are honest, even to the point of hurting your feelings, they are a trustworthy friend. You may only have one of two of these types of friends in a lifetime. When you realize there are more people to doubt than those you can believe and intentionally seek out honest people, you'll be more likely to succeed in finding someone worthy of your trust.